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Celestial Clockwork: A Movie Overlooked

This is a strange one...

Hey, I missed you guys! Due to the dedication to the new QPDX Podcast, 2 Girls 1 Podcast, I’ve been a little busy of late. However, I love writing about  movies, and little could keep me away from this blog for long.

Celestial Clockwork, made in 1995 by Venezuelan director, Fina Torres (Oriana and Woman on Top), is one of the stranger movies I’ve ever seen. Recently, going through some of my older posts, I realized how few foreign films I’ve reviewed. So, I thought I’d start with one of the first that really surprised me.

The movie begins with beautiful Ana (Ariadna Gil) at her wedding altar. It’s clear that she loves the opera, and is terrified to get married. She’s about to speak her vows, when… she realizes that settling down would compromise her biggest dream, to be an international opera star! There is no choice, but to hightail it to France where she can train.

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Film Opening: Dirty Girl

Dirty Girl: Let Them Talk, is a movie opening today (Friday) with limited release. Set in 1987 Oklahoma, centers around Danielle, (Juno Temple) the dirty girl of Norman High. She becomes furious when her mother (Milla Jovovitch) announces she is marrying a Mormon, and begins to make friends with an adorable gay boy, Clarke (Jeremy Dozier). Clarke’s homophobic father is threatening to send him off to military school (to meet boys?), and Danielle decides they need to run away to find her biological father. Off they go to Fresno, California, in pursuit of a person Danielle has never met.

I’m always excited, for many reasons, to see Milla Jovovitch in anything, especially this whole Mormon-loving mom bit. Juno Temple as Danielle should be interesting. She had a role in Notes on a Scandal, and will be in the new upcoming Three Muskateers remake, as well as The Dark Knight Rises. We also get to see William H. Macy play a Mormon!

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The Future: A Film by Miranda July

The Future, the newest film from Portlander now in Los Angeles, Miranda July, has been out for a few weeks now. If you too were also a fan of Me and You and Everyone We Know, then you were excited for the release of her next project. Most of the world got their first introduction to July from her first major release, but she’s been writing, and creating rad video and performance art for years. She was the first feminist film and performance geek that I met, and It’s been awesome watching her gain acceptance from the rest of the art scene.

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Orphan Girls: Will the Real Orphan Annie Please Stand up?

Did she ever hook up with Pepper?

I was rolling around in a pile of puppies yesterday, and had an epic realization. Queers love orphans. Many of us are, or can relate to being abandoned. It isn’t surprising that we identify. Isolation, persecution, lack of power, and desperation (word to the Oxford comma) are common in queerdom. As a kid, most of my favorite movies involved she-orphans, and when I started to click around the web, I realized how many movies carry the theme. I thought about doing a top ten, but it’s so subjective… I did decide to choose one ultimate movie. It’s okay if you don’t concur.

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!W.A.R. Women Art Revolution! A Film on Feminist Art

!W.A.R. ! Women Art Revolution is a new film by Lynn Hershmann Leeson. In case you didn’t know, Lynn is a much respected artist whose works often explore feminism, consumerism, and privacy. She’s been making ground-breaking art since the 1950’s, and has been a key player in the feminist arts movement. In other words, she’s a pretty rad lady.

I got to see this film on it’s last day of screening at the NW Film Center. I’m saddened I didn’t attend earlier so that some of you could run out and see it. It’s worth your time and money. I knew something about the feminist art movement, specifically, the things happening for women during the late 1960’s and 1970’s, but nothing to compare to what this documentary showed me.

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The Evils of Being a Woman, brought to by the 1970’s

Type “Feminism is Dead” into your Google browser. Go on, do it, and come right back to my post. Personally, the things I pulled up were pretty repulsive. In 2009, Miss Venezuela, the winner of the Miss Universe Pageant, was asked what women should do to combat sexism in the workplace. Her response was, “there are no longer any barriers against us”. I pulled up a pontification from a Unitarian Minister explaining that feminism had achieved it’s goal, and now all of the remaining feminists are just man-hating radicals. Perhaps, there is something to that. Women wanting equality for women must be looney or bull dykes. These attitudes mimic the feminist backlash communicated in some 70’s B movies. The easy reaction is to be offended, disheartened, and feel minimalized. The smart reaction is to examine the media and the messages in anti woman film.

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Vegas in Space… Drag queens make glamorous aliens!

Queens... keeping the galaxy safe from boredom.

I knew it. Somewhere, deep in the solar system, is a planet where only women can gaycation. Well, mostly drag queens really, but that’s better in my opinion. In 1991, the famous San Francisco drag queen, Doris Fish, released a really low budget movie called, Vegas in Space. She’d been scraping money together for eight years before she could actualize her dream. The best part? Vegas in Space is based on a party she threw.

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Switchblade Sisters

This cover is tame compared to its contents.

Switchblade Sisters is possibly the most epic girl gang movie of all time. Made in 1975 by exploitation director, Jack Hill, it pulls no punches. This movie is trashy, politically incorrect, overdramatic, and almost perfect. I attempted to write a plot summary a few times, and failed. Either, I like this movie too much to cut anything out, or it really is infinitely crazy. I’m going to do my very best to give you the lowdown, without writing a novella.

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Put Your Hydra in my Ray Harryhausen… aka Jason and the Argonauts!

A charming threesome

There will be a boat with a talking figurehead that looks like a drag queen. It will be manned by muscley and sweaty Greek men that resemble fit Portland dudes. And they will go on the hunt of a lifetime, to find the most magical garment in all the land… the Golden Fleece. Besides looking good with almost any type of sandal, it has miracle powers. It holds the power to restore your lost kingdom. You just have to defeat a horde of Ray Harryhausen’s claymation monsters.   

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Captain Blood! Errol Flynn was a douchebag

How can you not become a pirate when your last name is Blood?

I originally titled this blog, Captain Blood! A Pirate Love Fest! However, on researching the lead actor, Errol Flynn, I realized I had to change directions..

Wow, I have to say I was daunted when I noticed this movie was 120 minutes long, but by the end, I was wishing it would go on and on. Captain Blood, made in 1935, was Erol Flynn’s first major role. He plays a dashing doctor in England during the revolt against King James during the 17th century. He’s woken in the middle of night, and led to some very injured rebels. He treats them, and wakes up to find himself convicted of treason. He really embraced the Hippocratic Oath.  I always want to say Hippogryphic Oath (a magic creature that’s part Griffon, and part pony).

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