Captain Blood! Errol Flynn was a douchebag

How can you not become a pirate when your last name is Blood?

I originally titled this blog, Captain Blood! A Pirate Love Fest! However, on researching the lead actor, Errol Flynn, I realized I had to change directions..

Wow, I have to say I was daunted when I noticed this movie was 120 minutes long, but by the end, I was wishing it would go on and on. Captain Blood, made in 1935, was Erol Flynn’s first major role. He plays a dashing doctor in England during the revolt against King James during the 17th century. He’s woken in the middle of night, and led to some very injured rebels. He treats them, and wakes up to find himself convicted of treason. He really embraced the Hippocratic Oath.  I always want to say Hippogryphic Oath (a magic creature that’s part Griffon, and part pony).

What do you mean I look silly? It's the feather, isn't it? The feather is too much?

Peter Blood ends up on a slave ship heading to the Americas. They land in Port Royal, yes the same place referenced in Pirates of the Caribbean. There, the beautiful daughter of Colonel Bishop, Arebella, buys him to save him from a much crueler master. Olivia de Havilland shines as the feisty counter to Flynn. Yes, this the same actress that plays the villain in Hush, Hush… Sweet Charlotte! Flynn and Havilland’s chemistry is pretty amazing, but that’s not shocking since they became lovers for a brief period of time.

There are some pretty epic slave scenes. I don’t know when it became popular to oil up slaves in movies, but there’s no lack of it in this film. There’s even the classic giant wheel they have to turn to the sounds of whips cracking. Errol Flynn, aka Peter Blood, of course sticks up for the slave that is getting beaten just a little too harshly.

Cheer up, at least your skin is moisturized.

I don’t exactly know where that line in the sand is. Arebella makes a valiant effort to help Peter, but he doesn’t want her help. No, he’d rather eat dirt and get flogged than take help from her. I understand, when a pretty girl want to save me from torture I’m like, “Talk to the hand, I don’t need your stupid charity, I got this!”

Oh Errol Flynn… don’t look him up on Wikipedia. Here’s why, he wasn’t a very good person, and he might disappoint you. No, alright, that’s not the real reason. The real reason is that reading about him is addicting. It’s better than huffing, but leaves you similarly confused. So… he’s a notorious womanizer. You might already know that. He claimed to be a descendent of the original Bounty mutineers (yes, as in Mutiny on the Bounty). Really, his family were (or associated with) Tasmanian convicts. He was kicked out of school in Sydney for sleeping with the laundress. Later, he bought a tobacco plantation in New Guinea that failed, and after that, a failed copper mine. Whew* This isn’t even the juicy stuff.

No, look where the sword is pointing.. that's The Goorin Brothers hat store, I just think you need a new look, something that doesn't say "Head Sock".

He practically became an overnight sensation. He acted for about two years in the United Kingdom before starring in Captain Blood. It was a bloody sensation. He was known for brawling, drinking too much, and basically being a man-ho. In 1942 two young girls accused Errol of statutory rape. A group was immediately formed called the American Boys’ Club for the Defense of Errol Flynn (ABCDEF). Not only did he win his case, but actually gained more respect as a ladies’ man after the trial. It led to the phrase, “In like Flynn,” which means, ya know, you’re going to score. Gross, I know. Whether or not he really was innocent, it’s pretty sick the charges bettered his reputation.

You're lucky, I haven't slept with every woman in Hollywood yet... maybe you won't get anything...

Jump into the future! He died at the age of  50. No particular website seemed to cover his flaws thoroughly. Right before he died, he met the woman of his dreams. She was a 15 year old acting student. He died right before he could steal her away to his Jamaican estate. I wonder if she was spared the STD’s he had… which were numerous and contributed to his frailty. He was rumored to be bisexual, and a Nazi… I know those things don’t belong in the same sentence, but with all of this horrible crap he pulled, I have to condense somehow. He traded slaves in New Guinea, drank with Fidel Castro, and was a confessed drug addict. I mean, Holy Pomeranians! I’m almost impressed, but not really. If you poke around the web and read comments to his autobiography, “My Wicked Wicked Ways,” you’ll notice how lovable people find him. I admit, he was darling as Robin Hood, but come on! I don’t hate him, but the phrase, “Why so icky?” keeps tumbling around in my head.

There is one actor that likes to openly compare himself to Flynn… it’s…..


Yeah! D-bag pride!


Well, isn’t THAT special? Those two can have each other. Does this mean Charlie will leave us bloated, sickly, and festering in his 50’s?

See how off topic I am? That’s why I had to change the name of the blog. Errol leads the slaves to revolt in the movie. They take over a ship, and become pirates. They vow to punish King James II by assaulting his fleet. What makes their ship different from other pirates is their moral code. Yup. They don’t rape, for example. Uh-huh. His enemies from Port Royal catch up to him eventually. He even has to fight for Arebella’s honor against another pirate. The end is charming and cheesy, but not the best part of the film.

You're pretty, I'm pretty... if only you were under 18... we'd make magic

In closing, moms… dads… keep an eye on your sons and daughters. If there are people wanting to be in like Flynn, your girls and boys could fall prey to a fan. And..

Hooray for pirates?

Here is a link to a compilation of sword fights by Errol Flynn

Here is the 3rd part of a small documentary about Flynn. Near the middle, Beverly Aadland, the 15 year old he wanted to make babies with, speaks for the first time about Errol. She quietly admits Flynn forced himself upon her.

I know this blog is usually upbeat, but I feel like it’s important to analyze the people we idolize. No one is perfect, but during all the research I’ve collected on Flynn, I discovered something that broke my heart a little. The people jumping up to defend him aren’t talking about the rapes he committed. Remember when I mentioned that Flynn was rumored to be bisexual? Yeah, that’s what they’re fiercely denying. Leading us to the outrageous conclusion that being queer is worse than being a child rapist.

I’m not going to let that stand. I’m going to challenge it, and stick up for Flynn’s victims. Whether or not he was queer, his behavior floats as close to evil as I’ve ever imagined evil to be.

Thanks Spencer for showing me this movie, I love it! And to my sweets Allison, can you go find a honey badger for me? I want to be prepared if I run into another person like Errol Flynn

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