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  This is a strange one... Hey, I missed you guys! Due to the dedication to the new QPDX Podcast, 2 Girls 1 Podcast, I’ve been a little busy of late. However, I love writing about movies, and little could keep me away from this blog for long.
Celestial Clockwork, made in 1995 by Venezuelan director, Fina Torres (Oriana and Woman on Top), is one of the stranger movies I’ve ever seen. Recently, going through some of my older posts, I realized how few foreign films I’ve reviewed. So, I thought I’d start with one of the first that really surprised me.
The movie begins with beautiful Ana (Ariadna Gil) at her wedding altar. It’s clear that she loves the opera, and is terrified to get married. She’s about to speak her vows, when… she realizes that settling down would compromise her biggest dream, to be an international opera star! There is no choice, but to hightail it to France where she can train.
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 Did she ever hook up with Pepper? I was rolling around in a pile of puppies yesterday, and had an epic realization. Queers love orphans. Many of us are, or can relate to being abandoned. It isn’t surprising that we identify. Isolation, persecution, lack of power, and desperation (word to the Oxford comma) are common in queerdom. As a kid, most of my favorite movies involved she-orphans, and when I started to click around the web, I realized how many movies carry the theme. I thought about doing a top ten, but it’s so subjective… I did decide to choose one ultimate movie. It’s okay if you don’t concur.
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  The title alone is pretty vivid and exciting. Welcome DJs Actions Slacks (Shannon Wiberg) & DJ Pukes In Vans (Nadia Buyse)! They are the new resident DJ’s at the Tonic Lounge – Chick-A-Boom feminist dance party! It’s a fundraiser for The Raphael House. In case you don’t know, it’s an anti domestic violence agency reaching out to all genders and orientations. As you may know, queer domestic violence rarely gets reported as victims can’t be sure that the police will be sympathetic. This is true for all kinds of domestic abuse as well.
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 Type “Feminism is Dead” into your Google browser. Go on, do it, and come right back to my post. Personally, the things I pulled up were pretty repulsive. In 2009, Miss Venezuela, the winner of the Miss Universe Pageant, was asked what women should do to combat sexism in the workplace. Her response was, “there are no longer any barriers against us”. I pulled up a pontification from a Unitarian Minister explaining that feminism had achieved it’s goal, and now all of the remaining feminists are just man-hating radicals. Perhaps, there is something to that. Women wanting equality for women must be looney or bull dykes. These attitudes mimic the feminist backlash communicated in some 70’s B movies. The easy reaction is to be offended, disheartened, and feel minimalized. The smart reaction is to examine the media and the messages in anti woman film.
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 Queens... keeping the galaxy safe from boredom. I knew it. Somewhere, deep in the solar system, is a planet where only women can gaycation. Well, mostly drag queens really, but that’s better in my opinion. In 1991, the famous San Francisco drag queen, Doris Fish, released a really low budget movie called, Vegas in Space. She’d been scraping money together for eight years before she could actualize her dream. The best part? Vegas in Space is based on a party she threw.
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 This cover is tame compared to its contents.
Switchblade Sisters is possibly the most epic girl gang movie of all time. Made in 1975 by exploitation director, Jack Hill, it pulls no punches. This movie is trashy, politically incorrect, overdramatic, and almost perfect. I attempted to write a plot summary a few times, and failed. Either, I like this movie too much to cut anything out, or it really is infinitely crazy. I’m going to do my very best to give you the lowdown, without writing a novella.
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 A charming threesome There will be a boat with a talking figurehead that looks like a drag queen. It will be manned by muscley and sweaty Greek men that resemble fit Portland dudes. And they will go on the hunt of a lifetime, to find the most magical garment in all the land… the Golden Fleece. Besides looking good with almost any type of sandal, it has miracle powers. It holds the power to restore your lost kingdom. You just have to defeat a horde of Ray Harryhausen’s claymation monsters.
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 How can you not become a pirate when your last name is Blood? I originally titled this blog, Captain Blood! A Pirate Love Fest! However, on researching the lead actor, Errol Flynn, I realized I had to change directions..
Wow, I have to say I was daunted when I noticed this movie was 120 minutes long, but by the end, I was wishing it would go on and on. Captain Blood, made in 1935, was Erol Flynn’s first major role. He plays a dashing doctor in England during the revolt against King James during the 17th century. He’s woken in the middle of night, and led to some very injured rebels. He treats them, and wakes up to find himself convicted of treason. He really embraced the Hippocratic Oath. I always want to say Hippogryphic Oath (a magic creature that’s part Griffon, and part pony).
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 Who's the prettiest? I know not. I’m sweating. Some Like it Hot was one of the first movies my mother told me was important. It’s the cornerstone of my childhood film education. One becomes reluctant to write about one’s most oneness with one film. I had no idea as a child, that it was weird for people to parade around in drag. I mean, why not? My Catholic uniform was definitely drag. My father was an out and proud gay man, and my mother… earthy. Drag is daily wear.
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 a better title than, "Shut the F*** up, Sweet Charlotte!"
I am new to the term Psycho-Biddy, but this kind of film has been one of my favorites since I was young. I think the most famous might be Mommie Dearest, but especially during the 1960’s, aging stars were clamoring for these roles. First, let me acknowledge that without the right analytic eye, these movies could certainly be interpreted as anti-feminist. The message is, that unwed women in their older years are CRAZY, and will probably come at you with an axe.
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