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 This cover is tame compared to its contents.
Switchblade Sisters is possibly the most epic girl gang movie of all time. Made in 1975 by exploitation director, Jack Hill, it pulls no punches. This movie is trashy, politically incorrect, overdramatic, and almost perfect. I attempted to write a plot summary a few times, and failed. Either, I like this movie too much to cut anything out, or it really is infinitely crazy. I’m going to do my very best to give you the lowdown, without writing a novella.
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 A charming threesome There will be a boat with a talking figurehead that looks like a drag queen. It will be manned by muscley and sweaty Greek men that resemble fit Portland dudes. And they will go on the hunt of a lifetime, to find the most magical garment in all the land… the Golden Fleece. Besides looking good with almost any type of sandal, it has miracle powers. It holds the power to restore your lost kingdom. You just have to defeat a horde of Ray Harryhausen’s claymation monsters.
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 How can you not become a pirate when your last name is Blood? I originally titled this blog, Captain Blood! A Pirate Love Fest! However, on researching the lead actor, Errol Flynn, I realized I had to change directions..
Wow, I have to say I was daunted when I noticed this movie was 120 minutes long, but by the end, I was wishing it would go on and on. Captain Blood, made in 1935, was Erol Flynn’s first major role. He plays a dashing doctor in England during the revolt against King James during the 17th century. He’s woken in the middle of night, and led to some very injured rebels. He treats them, and wakes up to find himself convicted of treason. He really embraced the Hippocratic Oath. I always want to say Hippogryphic Oath (a magic creature that’s part Griffon, and part pony).
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 Feminism? Not sure... but satisfying? Definitely. Warning! This movie depicts ax murders! Warning? More like Welcome! Why stay satisfied with Faye Dunaway’s impersonation, “Christina, bring me the ax!” Instead, you can watch a movie where the actual Joan Crawford swings one around. It’s Joan playing a woman named Lucy, and Diane Baker as her daughter. Also, Lee Majors makes his first on screen performance as her murdered husband. Lee went on to become very famous, for among other things, starring in “The Six Million Dollar Man”.
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 Tiny People and Gorillas Save The World! The Incredible Shrinking Woman: a movie for the people.
First of all, if you didn’t know already, this movie stars the Incredible Lily Tomlin! Take a deep breath, and chant with me… Lily Tomlin, Lily Tomlin, Lily Tomlin! LilyTomlin LilyTomlin LilyTomlin LilyTomlin LilyTomlin.
Don’t you feel a universal awareness that befits you?
Amongst the many things you can learn from watching this movie, and perhaps one of the most valuable, is a small piece of advice: If you get shrunk to being just a few inches tall, stay AWAY from the garbage disposal.
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 There were a lot of covers to choose from, but this is the one. All of the children are in the evil-soaked womb of the grandmother! IF your mother ever says, “Listen, we don’t have anywhere else to go. I just need you all to stay locked in this attic of this mansion a little while longer,” think about it carefully. Actually, don’t think about it. Grab an ornamental object, knock her out, and run away!
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No, this movie isn’t pre 1970, but it’s fairly unknown, and that’s a crime.
 This movie has nothing to do with prison.. maybe... the prison of the closet Welcome back to a world of queer beauty where you’re perfectly safe from all the things you have to do today. I won’t let them get you.
So, you know how icons such as Barry Manilow (who makes a cameo) are hetero icons, but homo at home? This movie is ALL about that. We can’t ignore the age long stereotype that the “perfect man” is sometimes gay. Of course, gay men will tell you that isn’t really true. It’s the idealism of the unattainable that’s perfect.
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 A more phallic sword I have seen not. The Land of Faraway or Mio min Mio!
Not everyone knows that The Land of Faraway was Christian Bale‘s first feature movie, but everyone should. As a child, I’d rent any fantasy movie I could get. Unicorns, witches, has-been actors in animal costumes, poorly dubbed foreign films about magic… you name it and I rented it. The Land of Faraway was one of my favorites, and at the time I wasn’t conscious of how homo this movie really was.
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Welcome back to the glamorous world of flaming film! For all of you with a taste for the absolutely absurd I’d like to proudly present to you…
The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T
 You know what they say about people with 5,000 fingers...
“The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T” is definitely a contender for the weirdest children’s film. I mean, maybe the wacky Czech stop-motion “Alice” with dead animals is crazier, but animating taxidermy is really just cheating your way to the top.
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