Thursday
Hot mess talent contest – The first week of the up-and-coming local talent competition. Can we beat Tyra in snarkiness or Simon Cowell in cruelty? Well it’s time to find out.
Streateaters, Mishaps, Fucking Lesbian Bitches – Goddamn dyke punk ok?
The Cafeteria – Summer school’s in session so it’ll be all the bad girls and boys in class this week…
Friday
Dudes, seriously this is weird. Nothing is really happening Friday except the gay-friendly 90s dance party Snap! and the weekly Man Trap at Red Cap. And hey, it’s LunchLady on the 1s & 2s so no complaints. You could also just have a backyard bonfire…
Saturday
Doll House (MJ & Alicia’s farewell) – Last ladies night at Hamburger Marys before these ladies head south. They are kick as girl party promoters and I will be sad to see them go. Thankfully they’ll still be continuing their quarterly Crave parties, so Portland will get a piece at least every 3 months or so.
Blow Pony vs Evelyn Ivory – The biggest queer party Portland currently sports. Burlesque from BC at midnight. “Don’t worry if you try to grab my non-existant balls,” says DJ Mr. Charming, “you’re still gay.” Even though the resident won’t be there this week let’s all grab each others balls or lack thereof in solidarity cuz BP is for the whole spectrum.
Flash Dance presents Inferno – This party formerly aimed at the older crowd has turned into the all ages (well, all adult ages) club night for the ladies. It’s a great place to go if you want to get the party started early so you can take home a hottie or move on to later night activities.
Flipside Foam party – Salem gays and lesbians get into wet skivvies, trunks or bathing suits for this capital celebration of suds.
Sunday
Del Shores Sordid Confessions – The creator of the cult favorite TV series Sordid Lives (starring Olivia Newton-John, Rue McClanahan, Leslie Jordan and Caroline Rhea) is touring his hilarious new standup show and it invades Stumptown this Sunday at Red Cap. Raunchy, gay and not for the feint of heart, this seems like a delightfully small venue to catch the outrageous one man show.
Butch/Femme picnic & Chunky Dunk – Unfortunately they’re kind of on opposite ends of town but both the picnic and the swim are perfect summer Sunday fun times with a gay twist. It’s the perfect opportunity to bring out the tweed and croquet, or in my case the 60s Italian mod picnic set I’ve only ever used once, and then swish it all off to reveal your teeny bikini and bouncy body parts.