Oy. I am definitely still in recovery mode from my stellar weekend at Maggotfest, the annual rugby festival in Missoula, Montana. In a 72 hour period, I spent over 18 hours in a car as the gracious DD to a wild and crazy group of ruggers. The drinking started in the car on Friday and didn’t end until we got back into the car Sunday afternoon.
rugby girls know how to get down
Maggotfest, my friends, is serious business. Serious drinking, costumes, nudity, ridiculousness, and rugby. Ok, so the rugby part isn’t that serious, but it is there–there are actual referees and real teams* and at the end of every game, there is only one winner.
This was my red dress party. Unlike red dress, most of the gay folks at Maggotfest were ladies who could ruck, maul and scrum it like a rockstar. I would argue that Maggotfest was clearly where it was at. It was–in a word–epic.
at the underground gay club. vision was tempered by booze
Because you weren’t there, and can’t possibly understand the level of ridiculousness that went on, I will provide you with a few highlights of the gay variety.
1. Missoula’s singular gay bar is underground–and the path to the dungeon is laid with cobblestones. It is a dark and sinful place. I danced with a few delicious types as well as with Jesus.
some of the carebears let their asses hang out.
2. Wrestling in the dirt with drunk ruggers. There are no pictures because I was wrestling and drinking and didn’t trust myself to hold onto anything of worth. Two girls were dancing around each other in the pit like cowardly animals. It was really boring to watch so I chugged my beer, handed my cell phone to a spectator and surprise pounced one of the dancing girls. She went down and it was good. Unfortunately, none of the girls in the pit were interested in wrestling me anymore. Maybe I’ll head to Red Cap’s lube wrestling this month and get my aggro needs met.
3. There was a men’s team that dressed up as an army of sperm with the exception of one dude who was the egg. They chased him around a lot.
4. Vagina wigs, otherwise known as Merkins, were very prevalent. The Dirty Merkins’ costumes were 70s porn-inspired–all with a large and ridiculous Merkin hanging out somewhere.
two dirty, dirty Merkins. note the pubic wigs.
5. Naked outdoor Twister. I heard rumors of this, but I didn’t witness. According to the trusted source, the wheel was spun, but directions were given according to which pose would be the most sexually explicit/difficult to maneuver.
I'm not sure who's pictured here. they are part of the ORSU team circus.
silver panties make rugby that much more exciting.
*If a team is incomplete, they take on “whores,” meaning players outside of your team. Someone who is playing for a team that they are not on is “whoring.” The festival is limited to 36 teams; there are always plenty of whores to go around.
Yes, it was that amazing. Words can barely describe and pictures definitely help.
Another great note of this event was when the Dirty Merkins were playing another women’s team and made it mandatory that everyone play with a beer in their hand. Penalties were called against the girls without.
Yes. I should have been penalized. No beer and for some reason I felt compelled to chuck the ball forward when I caught it (twice). I did have my chest merkin affixed though. Clearly my adventures were hampered by my relative sobriety. If I had been more inebriated I may have ended up like that carebear dude who was present–passed out–in many, many pictures of people’s unclothed crotches in his face.
^ that was Beer Bong Bear. you can find him on youtube 🙂