My own gay characters (you know you wanted more…)

Besides my complete loss of motivation this week I blame my lack of significant entries on a distinct lack of local queer news and events, or at least news that I’m interested in (could it also be post mega-event letdown?). But a bit of unnecessary fun never hurt anyone. So, in the spirit of all the other media mavens who have had so much fun making lists of childhood characters that set off their gaydar, I’ve started my own list. Thanks to Laura for aiding in the brainstorming frivolity. Let the countdown begin!

10. Freddie from Scooby Doo

This ascot wearing Amherst College fairy boy was a more stylish version of Charles Nelson Riley 60s gay cartoon heartthrob. I aspire to be Freddie. I want to dress as him for Halloween next year just so that I, too, may rock the ascot. Maybe I should wear one every day anyway…

9. Buttercup from The Powerpuff Girls

L tells me that the green PPG was the most aggressive of the crime-fighting trio and we stereotypically equated this with lesbianism. I don’t really remember myself. I guess I should have watched more cartoons in college.

8. Yogi Bear

First of all, he was a bear. Second of all, he has a littler bear-in-training following him around all day that he loves and calls Boo-Boo. The only thing they were missing was a collar and chain…

7. The Snorks

They had penises on their heads. ‘Nuff said.

6. Rainbow Brite

Aside from the obvious reference to rainbows, stars, and gay culture I also want Rainbow Brite to be gay. I had such a crush on the girl. She was strong and always defeated the bad guys, colorless as they were, triumphing for the world of color, style, and gayness. And yet as tough as she was she was still a feminine dress-wearing girl. My kindergarten heart was aflutter…

5. Bananaman or Dangermouse from Dangermouse

It’s tough to pin down the gay characters in this odd little British secret agent rodent cartoon. And in fact from Count Duckula on down, all the characters might be a little light in their English loafers. But I have to single out Dangermouse himself, as he lived in a pillarbox (mailbox you Americans…) with his “partner,” a little hedgehog named Penfold. Then again there’s the uber-muscley and ultimately phallic Bananaman. Yeah, I guess he’s even gayer…

4. Punky Brewster

This might just be another case of little Alley Hector’s wishful thinking (have you seen the grown up Soleil Moon Frye?) but the little tomboy orphan was pretty baby butch with those torn up converse, cut off jean jacket vest, and adventurous nature. Working class and with a colorful, childlike masculinity. I basically was Punky as a child (So, if Punky Brewster gets together with Rainbow Brite…oh I am a dirty old man…)

3. Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street

I can’t believe no one has mentioned these big ol’ homos yet. Everybody knows they’re gay. They’ve been partners for like 30 years, since back when you had to have separate twin beds instead of doubles. The only question has always been what did free spirit Ernie ever see in that uptight paper-clip collecting ornithologist Bert? Well, I guess he always had his rubber duckie to keep him company…

2. Peppermint Patty from Peanuts

Coming in a very close second, Pepp Patty has been mentioned before in comment sections although she never made either of the other two lists officially. Maybe that’s because Peanuts already had enough gay characters in Lucy and Schroeder. But really, you can’t ignore the Patty. No sir! Yeah, big dyke…

And the number 1 gayest character is…drumroll please…He-Man and Skeletor

One is the ripped pretty boy top “good guy” who knows how to wield a sword, while the other is an anorexic evil crystal queen. It’s nearly as tragic as Dumbledore and Grindelwald, and ever so much gayer.