It’s about time we recognized that there are, indeed, all kinds of relationships out there. There is a lot of hurt and confusion surrounding marriages that didn’t work out due to a partner’s infidelity upon realizing same sex attractions. Michelle Williams did an excellent job of making me feel the shocking loss upon seeing her hubby snog a fellow cowpoke. But gay men’s marriages to women are not always a sham, nor do they necessarily always end in divorce. Well, maybe they are shams in our traditional view of the institution of marriage, or if you’re a big closeted movie star, but Queerty has clued me in to today’s New York Times article on what they are calling “Brokeback Marriages.”
Firstly, it implies that in a culture more open to males exploring their sexuality, men might be better equipped to decide if marriage to a woman is what they really want, before the commitment rings are slipped on. This, though important it realize, is apparent. What I find more interesting is what it goes on to say.
There might be reasons for couples to stay together. Firstly, many really do love each other. It may be platonic or still have sexual elements. Now, I ain’t all about the couple with the monogamous wife and freewheeling husband from the article. Sounds too much like regular straight married life to me. But there can be all sorts of arrangements. To live out a promise of growing old with your closest friend, or perhaps a couple stays together for stability and financial reasons, as well as love. An important queer lady in my life had a very happy marriage to a gay man. Their love was strong and, though both primarily preferred partners of their own gender, it was certainly not a sexless marriage. They shared a happy, well-made bed. After his death, she continues to handle his finances and donate to numerous to queer, queer-friendly, and arts charities that his family might have otherwise overlooked. They took care of each other then, and they do now, gay as they may be.
