L Word Season 5 opener recap

I never expect Oscar-caliber performances from the L Word but the show’s descent into meaninglessness seems to be accelerating. I came away from last night’s premiere with virtually nothing.

And Jenny. Oh Jenny. I’ve been saying this forever now but I am so done with you. You’ve surpassed annoying and have gone forth into the world of “I’d rather stick hot pokers in my eyes than listen to you another moment.” Except now she has power. She brought back a dumb billionaire financier from vacation and will now get to direct Lez Girls. This is bathroom break time from now on.

Shane is back to her old tricks…which is fine. We all want to see Shane get it on as much as we can. But her life is also starting to seem really sad. Be a player like Papi, or settle down with the Terminator (Paige, actress Kristanna Loken) and her son, but this back and forth bull is getting tedious. What do you want in life Shane? Her character on Young Americans had more depth. And yet, this subplot did inspire the best part of the whole show…seeing Shane’s skateboarder hair studio Wax, go up in flames.

The rest of the plot rounded out with Phyllis contemplating playing the field, Tina pining over Bette, and Helena in an orange jumpsuit. While I don’t really mind seeing little miss formerly Richie Rich behind bars with scary women who have biceps the size of my head, I really can’t believe that Mommy wouldn’t swoop in over something this serious…even during tough love hour.

But we only really watch the show for the sex scenes and there were a couple decent ones. Tasha miraculously shows up at Alice’s door and they do it right in the hall. Next week we’ll find out she was kicked out of the military due to “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” This might be a somewhat interesting plotline. We’ll see how they handle it.

The other involved Jodi blindfolding Bette and taking complete control of the sexual situation, thereby depriving the ultra-control-freak of her usual fix.