So, no longer innocent li’l Brit is all over the news yet again this today with the bizarre news that she shaved her head (to match her shorn locks below perhaps?). And really, any gay gossip blog could go on for miles on the girl’s recent antics, and so I’m taking my turn to step in. I’d meant all last week to get in a post about the princess of bubblegum-pop-after-it’s-been-stuck-to-the-sidewalk-for-a-week 
because of the scandalous lesbian allegations so eloquently detailed in In Touch magazine. Not only is she accused of trysts with ladies (and c’mon something, even druggedly innocent, is bound to happen in the coke induced frenzy of the nights spent with Paris Hilton) but of stupendous orgies while she was still with K-Fed. Of course, we’re also lead to believe that the trashiest of white rappers (and that’s saying something) wanted no part in this and had only eyes for her. I’d sooner believe the word of James Frey. Apparently, this allegation is supposed to be K-Fed’s attempt at winning custody. These kids couldn’t have it any better if they were Dani Lynn Smith.
But I’m used to seeing the snappy headlines of these gossip rags, as they are splayed out obscenely on my coffee table every Friday. What I thought was interesting, though, was that the gay clubs she was seen emerging from didn’t seem to be the lavender colored Studio 54s but quite average gay hangout spots, both of which I’ve been to. Neither LA’s laid back tank top bar The Abbey, nor Copenhagen’s friendly Euro-girlbois Pan Gay clubs appear to have any sort of line, guest list, dress code or indeed much attitude at all. The Abbey had its share of nasty mean scene queens but it was essentially a pre-function snack shack filled mostly with boys (as Los Angeles seemed to be in general, despite what Showtime is telling us) and doesn’t seem to implicate Spears in any real lesbian drama, certainly nothing scandalous. As for Pan Gay, it actually may be my favorite Queerion-flavored dance club in all the world. The Danish are quite nice to us Americans who showed up at the gauchely early hour of 12am. The cover was only about 5 bucks (granted the exchange rate was a little better in 2002) and the club was palatial, with 3 dance floors of varied music, 2 or 3 bars and many nooks and crannies, as well as a large lounge in which to sit and chill (or whatever). And none of the cute blondes I bummed cigarettes off of all night seemed disappointed to be talked to in English. Not somewhere I would have expected to run into Britney Spears, that’s for sure. But as they were nice to me, I guess the Copenhagen locals were determined to be nice to her too.
So who knows, maybe BS really is a lesbian (because she ain’t no G.I. Jane) and is struggling in the very high school senior kind of way with the drugs, the head-shaving, the tattoo that is both tough and girly (and most likely horrendous). Either way, she’s fodder aplenty for our puerile need for celebrity gossip and hours of fun to scoff. I just can’t wait for her Craigslist bi-curious ad to surface…
