The horror that is Tila Tequila

So I’m going to come clean. I was flipping through the channels on a mellow Saturday and actually came across the new bisexual dating show that I heard about a few days ago, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. It brought women, lesbians, and even arguably straight men back at least 30 years and I am truly truly ashamed to admit…I totally enjoyed watching it.

Tila (right) with one of her ladies in Episode 1

Really, this trash is worse than any porn I’ve seen. It’s awful. But it’s like a train wreck. You just can’t look away. And I also just can’t help but feel sorry for, well, everyone perhaps, but mostly the gay ladies. They started out this show thinking they were going to be a part of an innovative first lesbian dating show. They had not only a chance at the girl the show is focused on but plenty of other hotties everywhere. Yes, of course there’s competition, but that’s the great part about being queer, competition can also be foreplay. As anyone who watched the only gay dating show ever (yeah, I watched that too, I’m truly basking in shame) Boy Meets Boy, which was on oh-so-classy Bravo, knows, there’s plenty of flirting going on between contestants. It’s really unfortunate this is a tension and comraderie the straight boys on Shot at Love just can’t enjoy.

But alas, even if I did take some shameful joy in this tawdry program it’s not made for me. It really is mad for all those straight boys. Not the ones on the show but the ones eating Cheetos on their couches dreaming themselves the triumphant male suitor who, nevertheless, gets to watch Tila woo other skinny ladies along the way, even if he wins out in the end. So that’s why the fantasy as a whole will probably not carry my interest for long. I’m sure the andro girls that I think are cute won’t play to the straight audience for terribly long. They’re bound to get the boot. And I’m sure not interested in the main squeeze. She looks pretty gross to me. Well, at least we’re bound to have the weird and horny Italian stereotype man to entertain our lazy and boderline-bigoted selves the whole season. You know they won’t get rid of him.

So if you’re ready to walk into the fiery pits of Hades with me a new episode airs tonight on MTV at 8p.

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